Where Love Is…

Posted by in baby boomer woman, breath, change, gratitude, journal, retreat, retreat, self care

I think there is a milestone of accomplishment when all our children are all of a sudden married, in their own homes, with careers and/or babies and puppies.  I reflect the past year—a whirlwind of sorts…everyone moving into a new home or back to an old one—that’s four homes!  Two weddings and a refresh of a marriage of many years—that’s three major marriage events! I call this year an all inclusive, aside from the normal holidays and birthdays and anniversaries.

Change and transition, major energy had shown up for all of us.  Exciting yet exhausting!  So much so, I felt the wheels of life moving on without me.  Slow motion as I watched, feeling I wasn’t able to keep up with all this lovely wonderment.  What had happened to me?  I metaphorically was continuously having to pick myself up, put on faster shoes, and grab my hydrating thermos!

I realized I needed to make some internal changes very quickly.  In order to fill my chalice with all this beautiful newness, I had to empty the constant flooding of  overflow with life past, life present, and life to be.  So I finally took my own suggestive guidance as retreat life coach and stepped out of myself for awhile.  Yes, I did.  Really!  I took a retreat, a sabbatical of sorts…laying aside all, except for important matters only with my family, my close friends and my self-care. 

 I created my days with only the most of the mundane daily practices.  I allowed Simplicity to back  me out of the busyness and overdoing for which I have always had a propensity…years and years and years.  I just stopped.  I absolutely did. I came to a sudden halt.  I pushed that pause button and left it on pause!  I decided it was time for me to take a breath, a deep breath, to  ponder and reflect on what I no longer needed in my life and what I really wanted in my life.  

I had to set with myself and my journal and my moments and begin a cleaning out of the years of buildup of my unconscious thoughts, words, actions, and habits that no longer brought me joy or peace or love.  I made three lists:  a ‘keeper’, a ‘giveaway’, and a ‘throwaway’!  Then I redid those lists over and over in my mind until I had pared down to days of just walking, just pondering, just admiring, just being grateful, just eating simple garden meals, just watching birds, just singing, just playing the piano, just watching fireflies with my husband, just swinging with grand babies, just being in the joy of where my daughters are in their lives with their loves.

My retreat, my sabbatical, my moment out of time had created itself.  I gently listened to the whispers, as Maya Angelou so wisely shared.   I bravely stepped up to the plate where I would make no choices that would render me undone in any way, ever again.  I created a most precious sacred space, a  breathtaking quiet place in my mind and in my heart, for me to delightfully notice surprising signs and amazing synchronicities with little miracles, sometimes big ones, that soothed my worried soul from oh so many years of busy, releasing me into a sweeter deeper place in which to live my life, my really beautiful life that I had forgotten to remember forever ago.  

 I gave myself permission to enter the sweetest space so indescribable and unbelievable!  With my retreat commitment, that beautiful sabbatical creation, I deliberately set out to see, hear and feel from my heart, as a child does.  Every day I took my hand and led the worn out me to loving kindness and compassionate play,  major components of self-care.  In that time, I found myself, and I remembered me.  I remembered the sweetness of life and love. I heard the birds singing; I felt the wind; I noticed the dragonflies and the butterflies and the fireflies. I observed the clouds in the sky—angel wings, feathers, faces, and puppies!  I enjoyed and savored lovely teas and great coffees and yummy wines.  I began to choose only to connect deeply with others…letting go of the old ‘how ya doin’ just fine’ and discuss living, the truth of it, with all its beauty and its sadness and its laughter.

I  learned to celebrate my time outs, to allow open space for creative play, to give myself permission to be strong in my vulnerable moments, to laugh, cry and breathe deep.  I have room now.  My chalice is refillable and renewable with the preciousness of all my dear life moments.  And I love, absolutely love, being there.     Compassion is there.  Wisdom is there.  Joy is there.  Peace is there.  Gratitude is there.  And so am I.

Where is that?   I am whispering to you now, “… where Love is. ”